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TRAILER FOR RECENT ARTSHOWS (1 min 10 seconds)
Images from exhibition at Bangkok Art and Culture Centre on International Women’s Day
FOR THE VIDEO REPORT BY THAI PUBLIC BROADCAST SERVICE: CLICK HERE.
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IMAGES OF PLACEMAK ART EXHIBITION
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ROSE’S ART – IMAGES OF SLAVERY
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The Rape
The After-rape
“And I scream. And I cry. I not have period yet. And I have blood in my body. And I very scared. I never see blood like this. And I very hurt. ”
Child Field Slave
Waiting to be hit… or raped
The Last Rape
“And they hit me and they punch my stomach and they hit my face and strangle me until I cannot scream and cry. I scream. I cannot scream anymore. And they think I’m die. And they threw water to me. In China this is cold season. They threw water to me and throw out me in the house and left me stay with dog.”
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The rapists
“More than one year they rape me. They hit me everyday”
Broken
“Please kill me”
“And one day their grandmother come to my room and I begged her, ‘Please kill me’.”
“Run and hide… run and hide”
“I decide to try to climb to top (of wall) and escape. And I don’t know there will have broken glass. And I slide my body and glass against hit my body. Very, very hurt. But I have to try. I cannot hurry. But I have to try to run. And I jump from the wall. And I run. All my body have blood. And I run. Run and hide. Run and hide. Maybe 2am. 2am. I run and hide.”
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IMAGES OF ROSE
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Rose sharing the gut-wrenching story of her life
“My stormy search for me”
Rose working on her “Exploring the Feminine” Series
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“My stormy search for my sexuality”
VIDEO OF ROSE’S TALK ABOUT HER LIFE
“I’ve never seen a more riveting speech in my life than this one right here.”
“The most moving talk I’ve ever been to.”
“This story can change lives…”
On 17th August, 2022, I gave a talk about my life.
Warning: Contains content that is sometimes confronting and disturbing.
ARTICLE ON ROSE’S TALK
Published after her talk on her life…
Please kill me, More than one year they rape me, They hit me every day
“I’ve never seen a more riveting speech in my life than this one right here.”
“This story can change lives for people. The things that you’ve shared – the things that you’ve gone through – have been so hard, so rough, but there might be one other person – or there might be many other people in the world – who are going through stuff like this and facing stuff like this. Whether it’s online… or in person… your story can change the next person’s life.”
“The most moving talk I’ve ever been to. I had tears in my eyes. Rose is an inspiration for everyone in how she has overcome the traumas in her life. It was worth the price of a flight from Australia just to be at this talk.”
On Wednesday 17th August, a spellbound audience sat in pin-drop silence through the most moving talk in the history of the Pattaya City Expats Club.
Frequently wiping away tears, Rose of Myanmar shared the gut-wrenching tale of her life: Alone: My Life as an Abandoned Baby in Myanmar. The talk was poignantly illustrated by paintings done by Rose – even though she only took up painting in February this year. The talk was all the more remarkable because English is only her fifth best language after two Myanmar languages, Thai, and Isaan…
“Two years ago, I stand in a hotel room in Chantaburi. And Ren ask me why I crying… And I said, ‘Because the first time… I happy in my life.’”
Rose’s father died while her mother was pregnant with her. Before he died, he asked his best friend to look after his wife and soon-to-be-born child. But instead of doing this, this friend started up a sexual relationship with his dead friend’s wife. In this traditional Myanmar village, this was considered bad and wrong. They were told to leave the village.
Her mother’s elder sister told the pregnant mother she had to give the baby to her and leave the village. And because she would look after the baby, she had to get possession of the father’s house and small farm. Her stepmother already had five surviving daughters.
Her stepfather died when Rose was four. So the stepmother got the house and farm which should have come to Rose. Even so, Rose was never treated as a member of the family.
Her step-sisters consistently told her she was ugly and dumb and not really a sister. ‘She tell me I very ugly, I stupid, I black.’ At the age of 8, Rose was so upset by the abuse of a step-sister that she attacked her. The older and stronger stepsister bit her so hard on both knees that she still bears the scars.
One day a neighbor was missing money. The stepsisters just decided that Rose had stolen it so they hit her with a thick wooden stick. Hit her on her face and mouth and hands and head…
As a child, the villagers called Rose ‘Black’ because she had dark skin. She was told she was very ugly and would never get a boyfriend or a good husband.
When she was 12 years old, a neighbor told her that she could find work in nearest city. So she went on a two-hour bus trip and started working in water-bottling factory. This led to a slightly better-paying job as a house-keeper.
“Some months I work for nothing because my eldest sister come and take my money from my boss.” She worked for this family for over a year with not one day off. So she asked for two days off to visit her village.
When she went back to the village, there was a strange woman there with her stepmother. The woman said that Rose could get much better job in China. “I’m very exciting. I want to find money for my Mum because they never hug me, never speak good to me, never look at me good, and I don’t know why they hate me…. Maybe I can find money, come back to my Mum, my step mum will love me. I think money can buy everything. Can buy family. Can buy love.”
So she went with this woman. In the far north city of Muse, she was handed over to two other women who took her across the river into China. Then there was a long bus trip. Rose gets off the bus with one of the women who walks her into a Chinese village and a particular house in it. The woman says to her: “You have to stay here. You have to work here…. This room you have to sleep… Don’t worry about the money. We send to your Mum already.”
“I very happy. My mother have money, she maybe love me. She will be happy because I find money for her.”
After dinner, she is told to shower and relax. After the shower, two men follow her into the room. The door is locked the door. “And two men raped me. I scream and I cry. I not had period yet… and I have blood in my body. I very scared. I never see blood like this. I very hurt. And they hit me when I scream. Do everything very bad. Smell very bad… I have to sleep with blood and hurt.”
In the morning she is taken to a farm where she is made to carry “Night soil” to fertilize sugar cane. If she didn’t work fast enough, they hit her on the face.
“Night-time, when they drunk, they rape me again. And they hit me again… I’m crying every day.”
“One day the grandmother came to my room, and I beg her: ‘Please kill me.’ More than one year they rape me. They hit me every day.”
One day, she was screaming so much as they raped her, that they covered her mouth and strangled her. Then they threw her into the yard and threw icy water over her. She was so cold, she couldn’t see. She was thrown into the dog house with their dog. She talked to the dog. ‘Let me go out this house. If I cannot go out this house, let me die. “This dog go out of the kennel to poo. So Rose realized she hadn’t been locked in the kennel. So she got out of the kennel and decided to climb the wall to escape. She didn’t know that there was broken glass cemented into the top of the wall. She sliced up her body on the broken glass pulling herself over the wall. Bleeding, she jumped from the top of the wall.
To bear witness to the rest of Rose’s story, click on the video above.
The article as it appeared in the printed newspaper:
TRANSCRIPT OF ROSE’S TALK
Alone – My life as an abandoned baby in Myanmar
Hello everyone. Today I come talk about my life.
Two year ago, I stand in hotel in Chantaburi and Ren ask me: Why you crying? And I say: “Because first time… I happy in my life.”
When my mother pregnant with me five month, my father die. He had been ill but I don’t know exactly what he die of. He own farm and house. And, before he die, he say to his best friend: “If I die, you have to look after my wife and my child.”
So, after he die, his best friend and my mum become lover, and become husband and wife.
In my village it doesn’t matter if your wife and husband die, you cannot marry new. You cannot have new husband. And this is my mum have new husband. They say “Very bad people and have to leave out my village.”
So my father’s sister cannot take care of me because they no have money; she have nothing.
And my mother’s sister took me in.
And my mother sister talked to my mother: “When you give birth you have to give me this baby because you have new husband.”
And when my mom give birth… my mother sister, she took me in. She already has seven daughter but two daughter die by the time what I born; and her youngest daughter six year more older than me. And her husband die when I was four year or five year.
And my mother’s sister talk to my mum: “You have to give me your baby. And I will look after your baby. And I have to possession her father farm and house.” So my mother had to give her sister farm and house.”
When I’m like 13-year-old, 14-year-old and I want to… start to have love, I want to have boyfriend and a lot people say: “You very ugly. You will not have boyfriend.” In my village call me “NgamMae”. NgamMae mean black… dark skin. And they say I will never have boyfriend.
And when we child, we have to carry water every day – morning and afternoon. When six year old – maybe seven-year-old – I have friend and my friend go to school. And I cannot go to school because my stepmom maybe they no have money and not go to school. My sister go to school. My sister and my friends go to school and I have to wait there in my house. My house and school very close.
And I look at my sister, she have nice dress and she can go to school and I want to go to school but maybe my stepmom not have money enough for send me to school.
And one day my sister, she eat sweet and she go to school. She eat sweet and I want to eat and I ask her, “Let me eat, little bit”. And she say no. I say where you get this sweet? She say: “Mum. Mum buy for me.” I say, “Why Mum not give me?” She say, “You are not her daughter. You are not really daughter.” And start fighting with my sister and she call me, she tell me I’m very ugly, I’m stupid, I’m black. And I attack her and she bit on my knee. Until now, still have scar.
And one day, I want to eat sweet and they not let me eat but they show me, they not let me eat. And I want to eat, I want to know how delicious and I steal money. I steal money look like 20 baht. And I go buy sweet and I eat. I show that I eat and show them. And my older sister come to me, come in house and she say, “Who steal my money?” I say, “I. I steal because I want to eat sweet. And they hit me. They hit my head. They hit my mouth. They tell me: “Why you do this? You are not really daughter. Why you do this? You don’t have to eat like… like we eat.” They say like this and I’m very sad.
And one day, neighbor – they missing money – they missing money and they come talk to my stepmom, my sister, but that doesn’t mean I steal their money… My sister – my older sister – come to me. I’m still eating… I eating very delicious. And my older sister come to me and not ask me at all. And she hit me… hit my mouth… hit my hand. Hit with very big wood. .
And I think they should ask me first because I not steal. And they think I steal.
And one day, the neighbor, one woman say… come ask me: “Do you want to go work in big city?”
I say, “Yeah, I want to go work.”
“There they need worker.”
I say, “Yeah, I want to. I want to go find money. I can buy everything.”
And I go with her and we take bus from my village. Go to big city. Two hour maybe. And I car sick. And she sent me to the job. There they work about water factory and I work there. Pay me 7,000 kyat [“jat”]. Look like in Thailand more than 100… 120 [baht] maybe for a month And I work with them a few months. And I go buy food every day opposite water factory. And one woman see me… I go buy food everyday… and she ask me: “How much they give you, you work there?” I twelve-year-old and I start to go work. And I say, they pay me 7,000 kyat. And she told me: “Do you want to move my house? Work housekeeping? We will pay you 8,000 kyat. You don’t have to buy food.”
And I go work with the house. Housekeeping. Have to clean house. Very big. Big house. And have to carry water – watering the road – and carry water one day twice. Have to stop dust come from road. I work with them they pay me 8,000 kyat. And I work with them more than one year – never have holiday. And one day – Buddha holiday maybe – I ask they: “Can I go back my family house because I work with you long time already?” They say yeah, you can get holidays just two day. I say okay. I go back to my family and go back to…
And I work there, some months I work for nothing because my sister come take my money from my boss, come take my salary.
And I go back to my village and one of my stepmom friend come from very close to China. And she ask me: “How much did they pay you?” I say just 8,000 kyat. She say, “You should come with us. In China, have job a lot and they can pay you more… more than this.”
I’m very exciting, I want to go find money… I want find money for my mom because they never… never hug me, never speak good to me, never look at me good. And I don’t know why they hate me. And I ask they: “Why you never good to me? You guys never good to me?” They say: “Because your mum have new husband.”
“My father die already, she can have new husband right?”
And they say: “Bad people!”
They think I’m bad like my mom.
And this woman say, “You want to go with us in Chinese?”
I say, “Yeah, I want to go with you.” Maybe I can find money, come back to my mom, my stepmom will love me. I think money can buy everything: can buy family, can buy love.
And I go with them – my stepmom friend. I go with them from my village. Go to close to China – this city they call Musay, very close to China. And I go with them. We take bus – we change two bus from my village and this city. And we get off bus and they left me: “Wait here” in big town, in clock tower. And they say, “Wait here. Don’t go anywhere until have people come pick up you.”
They leave me here more than one hour. A very long time, they not come pick up me. And I start to hungry and I cannot speak Myanmar yet because in my village, not speak Myanmar. We speak very different speak. I don’t understand Myanmar yet and I start to scare and start to hungry.
And more than one hour, I wait them.
I have two different woman come to me and they show photo: “You come with this woman, right?”
I say “Yeah, I come with them but very long time – I wait very long time already.”
And they say: “Oh they not come pick up you – they let me pick up you. You have to go with us – we find job for you already.”
“Okay.” I go with them.
And I say, “I’m very hungry. Can I eat food?”
They say, “Yeah, we eat together.”
After we eat, we take taxi, go to boat and go to cross river into China.
And take bus. Go to China. And look like we take bus one day and one night maybe. Yeah. Tomorrow like this, we get out bus in China. I’m very carsick. I’m carsick all the time and they follow me. I go throw up in toilet in bus and they follow me. I think they very take care of me. And I go with them… until they stay.
In morning, we get off bus and walk again… walk about more than one hour. I see one Chinese village. So I don’t understand at all. Languages change. Languages not same. They are Chinese people already.
And this woman take me go to Chinese village. In one house like this. And they talk to me: “You have to stay here. You have to work here. Here is your job. You have to work everything they let you do.”
And they show me: “This room you have to sleep and this room you have to do.”
I say, “Okay.”
And we have dinner. We had dinner together and, when we have dinner, they talk to me: “Don’t worry about the money – we send to your mum already.”
I’m very happy.
I think my mother have money, she maybe love me. She will happy because I find money for her.
And after we have dinner, these two women go back already and leave me there because I have to work there. And they say: “After have dinner, you go shower and relax.”
So when I shower, after I shower, and I go to my room, I will come relax. And two guys, 30-year old – more than 30-year-old – follow me in my room and one woman – maybe their mother – lock the door and two men rape me.
And I scream. And I cry. I not have period yet.
And they rape me.
And I have blood in my body. And I very scared. I never see blood like this.
And I very hurt. And blood in my body.
And they hit me when I scream. They hit me. Do everything very bad.
And they have bad smell, bad face.
Two guys – sometimes three guys – they come rape me.
And lock me in room and I have to sleep with blood and hurt.
Morning, wake up. I have to go work sugar farm with them. I have to go work, carry – what they call in Chinese – carry shit water. And you have to follow.
If I work – if I work not quick – they hit me in farm.
Before my hair way long, long like this and they pull my hair and cut my hair, slice my hair.
And hit me in farm.
A lot of people there but, in China, they don’t care. You scream, you cry, they don’t care. They not help. I don’t know in big city maybe not bad like this. There is very, very bad.
They slice my hair. They hit me. And come back home… nighttime… when they drunk, they rape me again.
And they hit me again.
I cannot go anywhere. They follow me anywhere. And I don’t know their languages. I’m crying every every day, I cry. I stay there maybe more than one year. I cannot go anywhere. Stay with hurt. Stay with crying every day.
And one day their grandmother come to my room and I begged her, “Please kill me.”
And she says something but I don’t understand Chinese languages. I say, “Please kill me, I’m very hurt.” And she say something, and she lock door and go out.
And they have dog. They have dog house. And I go give food to this dog every day and I come to dog.
And one day, they come rape me again. More than one year, they rape me. Hit me every day. And they punch my stomach here. This make me very hurt. They punch my stomach and they strangle me.
And they have dog – very big – I never see in Thailand big dog like this – dog very big. And they have dog house – very big their dog house.
And one day, they hit me and I fight everything. I want to kill them but, around me, no have knife, no have wood. And they hit me and they punch my stomach and they hit my face and strangle me until I cannot scream and cry. I scream. I cannot scream anymore. And they think I’m die. And they threw water to me. In China this is cold season. They threw water to me and throw out me in the house and left me stay with dog.
And I cannot move at all. Maybe they think I’m die. And I stay there look like in nighttime. They sleep already and I cannot do everything. And I talk to this dog: “Please help me.” And I pray in my heart and I say: “Let me go out this house. If I cannot go out this house, let me die. If I cannot die, let me go out this house.”
And this dog go poo… and I see this dog poo. Oh and I think: They did not lock this door – they not lock this doghouse door.
And I push… I push [out] this doghouse.
I decide to try to climb to top and escape. And I don’t know there will have broken glass. And I slide my body and glass against hit my body. Very, very hurt. But I have to try. I cannot hurry. But I have to try to run And I jump from the wall. And I run. All my body have blood. And I run. Run and hide. Run and hide. Maybe 2am. 2am. I run and hide. And I see look like market – look like little market. I see one woman. I see one woman in market – maybe she start open her shop. And I look her in her shop clock watch. I see 3am already. And I ask her: “Please help me. I’m very hungry.” And she look at me. She don’t want to help me. She looked at me like this. And I beg her: “Please help me please!” And she give me 10 Yuan. She give me money 10 Yuan, and some dress. And she told me: “Go. Go!”
Okay I go. I go see water in market. I drink water. And I clean my body and change dress that she give me. And I run again. Run and walk… run and walk until morning, eight o’clock. I see different village. Different village. And I see this old guy and I tell her: “Help me please. I run from bad people.” But I cannot speak Chinese yet. I just use sign languages. I say: Please help me, I’m very hungry. And they tell me, Come. Come here. And they are poor people. And they tell: Come here, come here. And give me eat rice and salt and I eat a lot. And I stay with they and they say, you can relax, you can sleep here, no problem. And they help me and I sleep with them one night. And morning early, they talk to me by sign languages… they say: You can do everything?
Yeah, I can do everything.
And they find job for me.
They find job for me. There have restaurant – very close to a sugar factory. Seasonal restaurant. They only open three… three months or four months… and I pick up little bit Chinese languages there. A little bit. And there is Chinese restaurant. When they speak – very loud they speak – and make me scared. And they pay me, they pay me 200 Yuan for a month. And this is better. I say okay, I will work here. And I work about cleaning kitchen, cleaning everything. I have to wake up 2am. They will go market and come back. I have to clean food, clean everything in restaurant. And they just open three months or four months and they will close soon. They tell me: “Do you want to find job?” I say: “Yeah I want to find a job and I have some money.” And they say, “We will find job for you.” I say: “No. No problem.” I worry. I worry again. I worry they will send me to people, bad people again. I say: “No worry, I will find by myself.”
And I go to bus station. I take bus. I take bus go to I don’t know where.
I sit in bus and I think where I will go? I don’t know my life… where I will get off… and I take bus like one day… until one city… one big city there they call Dehoe. In English, they call Dehoe. And in Myanmar they call “Yoolee”.
And I get off the bus and I see a lot people in bus station and a lot of bus and a lot of people.
I don’t know where I will go. No have friend. No have people I know. And I just look at like this. And I feel I can hear some Myanmar people speak and I turn and I look at they and I go to them. I say: “You from Myanmar?”
They say, “Yeah, I’m from Myanmar.”
“Oh I from Myanmar too. I want to find job.” I ask them.
They say: “Yeah, we find job too.”
And I say, “How can go back Myanmar? I’m from Myanmar.”
They say: “Very easy. You just take taxi, go to boat.”
And I take taxi, drive me to boat, to wharf.
And taxi driver tell me: “You want to go hotel with me?”
And I start scare. And I scream and I hit the taxi.
I am very lucky two Burmese people – two Burmese men – come around to me. And I hit taxi and I say, “Help me please, help me”. And two Burmese people help me and go to work and, on the way, I talk to them, “Brother, I want to find job. I want money.” They say: “A lot job here but very hard. Maybe you cannot work because you very small body.”
I say, “It doesn’t matter how hard, I can work.”
And they work there. They say: “If you can work, you can try.”
And I stay there. I work with them.
We have to work there. We have to carry big corn bag and big rice bag and watermelon box and carry box beer – carry everything come with boat. Maybe come [from] another country. And they pay 40 yuan or 60 yuan Chinese.
I work with them two year.
When I work there, I have bad my teeth. Very hurt. I cannot sleep because my teeth very hurt. And I take… they have tools that will repair boat, maybe. And I take plier, pull out my teeth.
So I work there two year maybe and a lot people go back to home. Chinese New Year like this, a lot of people go back to home and I don’t know how I can go back to home and I talk and I ask them how go back to Shan State?
They say very easy you just take boat and go to across river to Myanmar, yeah.
I follow them and there take bus. I take three bus. Get back to my village. I’m very happy. I see my village. I see my country. I’m very happy. And I get out to bus and I go to my farm. I see my stepmom, see my mum, I’m very happy and very warm. I say, “Mum!”
She say, “Who are you?”
She not remember me. She say.
I think: Okay, maybe my mum not remember me because she old. I think, she 53-year-old this time. I say, “Mum you not remember me?”
She say, “No, I don’t remember you.”
And she look not happy.
And I go to my house. I see my stepsisters. I see my sisters and they’re not welcome me. They’re not happy at all I come back. And they not ask me. And my stepmother and my stepmom they talking each other… each other. And they not look at to me. They turn away from me.
I see my stepmom, they not welcome me. They say we not remember you. This hurt more than Chinese people hit me – very hurt more than they rape me.
And I stay there, they not look at me. And have one woman come – a neighbor come tell me: “Come stay with me… You stay with me; it my house.” Like this. And I go stay with her a few day.
And a few months here, she son come to Thailand. I help him. This woman kind to me. And I stay with them a few day and go back to China.
I go back to work in wharf. I go back there about one year.
And my friends say: “We go visit Thailand.” I say, “Oh I go with. I have some money. I go with you.” We come to Thailand maybe 2015. We come to Thailand and I come to Bangkok and Pattaya. I work in hotel, housekeeping in south Pattaya a few days – like one week. And manager talk to me: “If you want to work in Thailand you have to have work permit and you have to learn Thai language.” And I go buy Thai book in market. Okay I don’t know “work permit” mean what. I cannot speak Thai yet. And I find Thailand book in market and I go back to Chinese and take this book go to Chinese. I go learn Thai languages in my mobile and YouTube like this.
And we go back to Chinese and I have some money. I work there a few months, more than one year. A lot my friend say: “If you go another country, you have to have passport.” I don’t know “passport” mean what.
And I say, “How can do passport?”
They say you have to have ID card and birth certificate.
I say, “I have nothing.”
“You have to ask your family,” they say.
And I go back to… I go back to my village. I know my stepmom not like me, but I have to go back because very important for me. And I carry my Chinese money. I’m not change money yet because Chinese money when we go change Myanmar money – a lot, right? I cannot carry. I just hold my Chinese money.
I go to my mom. And I go back to my village, my farm and I see my stepmum. I say, “Mum, can I ask for my ID card? I want to make passport.”
She say, “You not bring anything to me! Why you come ask me again!? You know your mother just not give me at all. You very- I look like I’m bored with you.”
And I don’t know yet she own my father farm and house until my father’s sister and my stepmom fight because me. They had fighting because me and my father’s sister say “You have to give her ID card.” And she said “I’m not giving because she not give me at all. She not bring anything to me.”
I have money but I not show her. I want to surprise her. Everybody want to surprise mother I think. And I say, “What you want, mum?”
She say, “This house… Cannot stay anymore because this house not good.” I know this house really not good. And somebody want to sell house, big house. And she say, “If you want ID card and birth certificate, you have to buy house for me.”
And I have some money and I buy house for her, look like 500,000 baht Thailand, more than 100,000 Yuan.
I buy house for her. When I buy a house for her and we sign, I say, “Mum, when you sell this house, you have to give me half money.” And I really sad. She had five daughter and [they] not help me at all about money for buying a house – just all my money buy for her. But I happy. I have a house for her and I say, “Mum, I can buy for you. I have money enough buy for you.” And I buy house for her and she give me ID card and birth certificate and she say: “When we sell this house I have to give your sister half.” I say “This is my money, why you not give me?”
She say, “We take care you. When your mum give birth, she just leave you. We take care you long time already.”
And after COVID, she sell this house. My stepmom sell this house and they not let me know. But my father’s sister tell me: “Do you know your mom sell house already?”
I say, “I don’t know.”
And after she give me ID card and birth certificate, I go to Yangon. First time I go to Yangon. And I go make passport. Go make passport and come to Thailand.
Go to Singapore… go Singapore and go Taiwan and go back to Singapore again.
And I come Thailand again and I ask my friend, “How I can stay in Thailand long time?” They say you have to have visa. And I want to go to school. I say, “I have some money.” Maybe I still have money 100,000 baht. And I say, “I want to go to school. In my life, I never go to school.”
They say, “Okay we find school for you.”
And they go find languages school for me. This languages school in Phloenchit, maybe. And this languages school tell: We can make visa for you, student Visa. And I say okay. And they do for me everything. And I go back to Yangon, go back to embassy, make student visa.
And I pay. They give me visa for eight months. 63,000 baht.
And I come back to Thailand and I go to school for class. English language is very hard for me. First class I go, they ask me: “What level you want to start?”
I say, “I never go to school. I don’t know anything. Can I start zero level?”
They say, “Oh no have. Only one level… two level…”
“Okay I will take one level.”
And I go to first class. I think they will teach me start A, B, C, D, but not. And they read in book in English languages. I don’t know at all. I know nothing and make me want to cry. First class. And second class, a different teacher come. And first class is America teacher; and second class, they change teacher and different sound. And make me want to cry. I don’t know everything and English language is very hard for me.
And in the morning, I go find job in Klong Toei market and I see… I know Thai languages little bit and I see the sign in market, they say, “Rap samak tam ngaan” – Want worker.
And I go ask, “Can I work here? I have student visa.”
They say, “Yeah, you can work here.”
They pay 100 baht for day. In morning, I go to work and I working in market until five o’clock afternoon.
After working, I go to school – just go to school two hour, three hour.
I go to school and I stay alone – very lonely and I cannot make my friend yet.
I stay with my friend in my room. I stay with her two day and they move away. They let me stay their room. And I’m very lonely and I go walk around to Klong Toei. And I see one – what they call restaurant or bar or something. I go buy Coca Cola and drink and have one farang guy come to me. He say, “Hello”.
I say, “Oh hello.”
I cannot speak English yet.
And she give me name card. She from Canada. She good guy. And I say I’m from Myanmar, I come study in Thailand. And he give me name card.
Then, COVID hit. I lose… everything close – market close, school close. And in school they say, you can study online. I don’t know “online” mean what. I no have computer. They say you can study in your mobile. I say, I don’t know. “Online class” mean what? I don’t know and I leave my school.
And COVID hit. I know I have money just 20,000 baht maybe. And I find in Google, they say if you have problem in another country, you have to go embassy. And I go to Myanmar embassy.
And first day I go to Myanmar embassy, the guard not let me in. I say, “I come find job and come here and I want to find a job.”
They say, “Now have COVID. No have job.”
And second day, I go again. I go to Myanmar embassy again and I say, “I come find job. Help me.”
They say, “Cannot help. A lot of people lose job.”
And third day I go again. I see one woman come with nice suit and I ask her, “Please help me. I cannot go back and I no have job now. I need money.”
And she say, “Can you speak Thai?
I say, “Yeah, I can speak Thai. I can read Thai.”
She say, “Okay, you can work here. Help me. But we pay… we cannot pay you a lot.”
I said, “No problem. Let me work here.”
She pay me one month… 9,000 baht for one month and I work there a few months.
I meet Ren and my life start change everything.
And my holiday in embassy, I come visit Ren on weekend.
So I meet Ren… is first family and first love.
Before a lot of people tell me I will never have boyfriend because my mother bad and I’m very ugly. But this is Ren is first love and first boyfriend in my life.
